The Indian Family

I have been trying to be positive lately and given my circumstances, it’s really not that easy. But the truth is that no matter what circumstances life throw us, we can still choose to be happy. There’s an old Chinese saying “If the skies fall down on us, treat it as a blanket.”

But today, something happened that seriously threatened my resolve to be positive. You see, I have put up my microwave oven for sale. So today, I got a call from this Indian lady. I listed the price as 150 and have also put up the photo as well as the model number of the oven. It’s a relatively high end one which can be used even for convection. Anyway she asked me if the price can be negotiated and I asked her what was her offer. She told me she can pay $100. I thought it was rather low but decided to accept her offer since I have not been using the oven for at least a year. She sounded happy and said she will come down in about an hour’s time.

An hour came and she didn’t turn up. I called her and she started asking me the strangest questions like how many liters the oven was. I told her quite frankly I have no idea. Then, she asked me to recite all the buttons on the oven. I was pretty stunned but obliged her.

So I was like “120 degree. 140 degree. roast. defrost. convection…. (the list goes on, you get the drift). After reciting for a good 60 seconds or so, I felt a bit stupid and stopped. I just told her “So you get the idea?” Guess what she said?

Indian Woman, “So got button put pizza?” What the fuck are you talking about Miss Punjabi??? Is this the first time you have seen a freaking microwave oven? Oh and during our first phone conversation, I did ask her if she knew which model I was selling and she told me she was familiar with the model!!!

Anyway I reminded myself to be positive and refrained from uttering vulgarities. Instead, I just muttered “No. Don’t have pizza.”

Then she let out a very strange sounding “OHHHH…”. It almost sounded like someone buying a car and the salesman saying “Sorry no brakes…” “OHHHHH……”

There was a couple of seconds of silence so I decided to continue with my salesmanship. “This oven is a pretty high end one. There is a whole list of things it can do but it goes by the number. They don’t have buttons for everything. And it’s a pretty big one. You won’t get anything like this for this price.”

She seemed hooked and said she would be coming with her husband. Great!

Then she went on to ask me how she can get to my place by bus. So I mentioned that she had to take a certain bus from the Ang Mo Kio Interchange. Not satisfied with my response, she asked me to recite all the bus numbers that passed by my house, especially if they come from Punggol. What the fuck! Do I sound like a walking bus directory?

I suppressed my urge to scream vulgarities and calmly told her that I am not sure. But if she so desires, she can actually check out the route planner on SBS bus website. I am pretty impressed with my politeness. She said she would find her way and would see me in an hour’s time.

So I waited patiently for her and she actually changed the appointment time at least three times. I had half a mind that she wasn’t going to turn up when all of a sudden, there was a knock on the door. I opened it and lo and behold, an Indian family of 4. Husband, wife and two kids. The kids started to cry because they were scared of my cute little dog. So I had to lock dog in my room.

Indian Family
Indian Family

The husband proceeded to scrutinize the oven like an officer from the crime scene investigation unit. He spotted a sticker on the oven which was a contact for a technician and derived the conclusion that the oven had been sent for repairs. While I was trying to explain to him that the oven has never been sent for repairs, the two irritating kids started pressing all the buttons on my washing machine. I had to hold on to my hand to prevent it from smacking those two goons.

And the wife continued her strange line of questions.

“Can put metal pot inside the oven?” I was stumped. Is this woman a housewife or some oven scientist?

Her husband then promptly requested for a glass of water. I thought he was thirsty from all his intense examination of the oven. When I handed him the glass of water, he put it into the oven and press a couple of buttons.

“Testing.” he flashed a smile. AT that moment I remembered a joke.

Question: Why do Indians like to look up to the skies and smile when there is lightning?

Someone taking my picture!

Ans: Because they thought got people take photo of them.

The husband and wife proceeded to engage in very animated conversation, gesturing wildly with their hands, as if they were in some parliamentary debate. I was getting impatient. I just asked them if they still wanted the oven.Instead of answering my question, the wife looked around my house and asked, “You have anything else you want to sell?”

AT this point, I felt like picking up my bamboo clothes pole and bitch slapping her all the way back to India. I may be broke but I am not Garang Guni man ok?!!!!! She then noticed my computer in the corner of the room and asked,”Computer you want to sell?” Before I exploded, I flashed them a smile and thanked them for their time.

The moment I closed the door, I let off a string of vulgarities that Ah Long San would have been proud of.