The Funny Smelly Pussy Story

WARNING: If you are a woman, you might find the following post offensive so please refrain from reading it if you are the easily ‘offensible’ type. (obviously after such a warning it will make you want to read it even more right? Such is the paradox of life)

The other day, me and a few guy friends were discussing about women, sex, and conquests (notice how shallow men are). Somehow the topic invariably led to a discussion about smelly pussies. We took turns sharing stories about our experiences with smelly pussies. We came to a conclusion that any men who had had his fair share of pussies would definitely have experienced the ‘smelly pussy syndrome’ at least once.

I guess I am quite lucky in the sense that most of the pussies I have ‘met’ have been relatively clean and pretty ok smelling. I classify ok smelling as no foul smell. I mean it’s very difficult to find a sweet smelling pussy unless she just came out from a shower. Then you would probably be smelling the ‘soap smell’ instead, but I digress.

Anyways, I can vividly remember the day that I had my one and only ‘smelly pussy’. It was during army. Those times, we were all crazy about Zouk Mambo Jambo nights. I remembered my army buddies and I would be there every single week. At that time, there was this place called the MTV Bar (now Phuture) where we would down a jug of long island each before heading to the dance floor platform to dance through the night. (On hind sight it’s a bit loserish for guys to be dancing on platforms, but we were young, intoxicated and foolish)

Zouk Mambo Jambo Nights

During that period, our clique grew to a very big group of girls and boys since we were there every single week without fail for at least a year. So there was this particular girl. Let’s call her Wendy. I knew she was interested in me but I wasn’t really keen on her since she was a bit on the fleshy side. Her looks were ok but she wasn’t that interesting to talk to as well. She was 19 and studying in NUS Arts Faculty I believe.

I guess she was largely forgettable until there was one particular night when I was pretty wasted. So our dear friend Wendy volunteered to send me back home. It so happened that my parents were away on holiday that night so the inevitable had to happen.

When we reached my place, we headed straight into my room and we started kissing and then proceeded to light petting. She seemed a bit shy and I didn’t think she was pretending to be shy. So I casually asked if she was a virgin and she nodded. Alarm bells immediately rang in my head. Goodness gracious me! I decided right away I wasn’t going to penetrate her.

But I figured since we were already half naked and lying on the bed, it would be very strange to stop. On top of that, I was obviously already aroused. So I figured we could at least engage in some oral sex. So we kissed and I moved from her lips to her ample breasts, to her slightly fleshy waist and then I noticed it.

Even in the moonlight, I could see an Amazon forest down at her pubic area. And when I say Amazon Forest, I mean AMAZON FOREST! It was quite possibly the thickest bush of hair I have ever seen on a female species. At this point, it was pretty awkward for me since my tongue had already reached her stomach and obviously I was supposed to proceed down. It would seemed pretty unnatural if I stopped suddenly.

The Funny Amazon Forest Metaphor
The Amazon Forest

So I gritted my teeth and proceeded down south. Within another inch, the pungent smell hit me. It’s indescribable but I will do my level best to describe it. Take the smell of rotten fish, combine it with some smelly eggs, multiply it by about 30 times. That’s the whiff of pungent air that greeted me. I contemplated for about one milli second and decided I just can’t do it.

I made a quick detour and headed to her thigh instead. It was like making a quick exit upon seeing the ERP in front of you, except this was ten times worse.

Funny ERP Imagery

By then, I was totally turned off. I pretended to be drunk and headed to the toilet to puke. I really can’t be sure if the puking was due to the alcohol or the smelly pussy. That incident turned me off oral sex for several months.

Moral of the story: Trim your bush and wash with soap every day, including the internals.

Have you ever had a smelly pussy or a smelly dick? Leave me a comment if you have.

Cheers.