I think this is a question that we will think about at some point or another in our lives. I have seen a few of my buddies choosing to stay in a relationship simply because they can’t bear to hurt the other party. My own dad has chosen not to divorce with my stepmum because he felt pity for her. It was obviously a bad decision because finally at the grand age of 60, he has finally decided that he has had enough and had started divorce proceedings. Can you imagine how much of his life he has wasted by choosing to be with a woman that is obviously not suitable for him?
I recently came across an article written by Steve Pavlina (one of the top personal development coaches on the internet).
He wrote about taking a diagnostic approach in evaluating a relationship. Most of us would use a pros and cons approach which is not a good method at all because according to Steve:
“Weighing the pros and cons seems logical, but it doesn’t provide you with the right kind of information you need to make this decision. There will be pros and cons in every relationship, so how do you know if yours are fatal or tolerable or even wonderful? The cons tell you to leave, while the pros tell you to stay. Plus you’re required to predict future pros and cons, so how are you going to predict the future of your relationship? Who’s to say if your problems are temporary or permanent?”
It woke me up to think about my current relationship. How was I to know if this was ‘the one’?
Here are a set of criteria that I think everyone should look at on deciding or evaluating the current status of your relationship. Here are a list of questions with yes/no answers. If your answer is a yes to any of the following questions, you should leave your relationship.
1. If God or some other divine being told you that it was ok to leave your relationship, would you feel relieved to do so? If the only reason you are staying together is that you are afraid of going to hell, guess what… you ARE already in HELL.
2. Do you find it difficulty to get your needs met? If you are not even getting enough money to buy food, if you have to wait for an eternity before you can satisfy your sexual needs, etc. then it’s really time to move on.
3. Are you staying in your relationship only because you will feel embarrassed and worried about how your family and friends will look at you if you broke up? If you are just being with the person because you have no balls to face up to your family and friends, and worried that they will think you are a loser, you ARE already a loser. Do yourself and your partner a service and break up with him/her.
4. Is it true you no longer feel any sexual attraction to your partner? Some people think sex is overrated but statistics have shown that sex is a very important part of a healthy relationship. So don’t delude yourself to think it’s just a hype and there are more important things like blah blah blah.
5. Does your partner exhibit any behavior that makes the relationship too difficult for you to stay in, and do you find your partner is either unwilling or incapable of changing? He beats you up, she has to vacuum you before allowing you to hop into bed, He visits prostitutes and invites them home (Yes I am exaggerating but you know the drill)
6. Does your partner does little to enhance your life? If your partner does little to enhance your life and you wouldn’t lose anything important to you by leaving, then leave. After all, what can you gain from an alcoholic who spends all his time in front of the tv or a bitch who talks about nothing but shopping?
7. Have you and your partner stopped having fun together? A relationship without fun is dead. You might as well be dating a zombie.
8. Is it true that your partner and you have never talked about any mutual dreams or goals together? If you are not planning on spending your future together, something is definitely wrong. Most likely, you are just being treated like a sex object or being used as a transition to better things.
Seriously, if any of your answers to the above questions is a YES, then you really need to take a long and hard look at your relationship. You only live once. Don’t get dragged down by a relationship and deprive yourself and your partner of happiness.